Anytime a break-up occurs there is usually a reasonable amount of time in which you feel maybe you can kindle your relationship and make it work for you again. In fact, directly after a relationship ends your immediate thought is usually how to fix the problems and make your relationship work again. This is especially true if you have already invested a lot of time and emotion into your relationship. While some relationships just need a bit of clarity and work, there are some reasons for a break-up that should be indicators that believe it or not, you are better off searching for a new soul mate.
There are a few prominent reasons to say no straight out to getting back together with your ex and those are addictive behaviors. Substance abuse is a primary one. Alcoholics and drug abusers more times will relapse into destructive behaviors at some point in their lives sadly. Is this a situation you are willing to live with, and do you have the patience to help them with their addictions? Is it worth to rekindle the relationship? If the answer is no then the relationship is never going to be a good one for you, and if your ex is still involved in substance abuse than there is no reason to ever think for one second the relationship will work, do not even consider them as an option in your life.One of the main reasons relationships does not work out, and why you most likely will encounter many breakups throughout your dating career, is incompatibility. Some people are just not made to be together for a long period of time. If you are an outgoing person with different career goals and priorities than your ex, you two will never be on the same page and fighting the same battles over and over again will never get you anywhere. People are made differently and hold different values. There is no shame in admitting that yours are not the same and moving on. Ask yourself this ‘Is it worth to rekindle the relationship’? It hurts to be alone, but it’s not worth being together if you have to sacrifice yourself to be there.
This brings up the most important factor in deciding if your ex is really worth the effort it takes to put a relationship back together; how happy you truly were while you were together. Everyone is lonely after a break-up, and for some reason it is so much easier to remember the great times you had together than remember all the bad times. While you were in the relationship objectively compare the times you were happy to the times you were, stressed, frustrated, or angry with each other. Which side wins? Was every day a new battle to complete the day without another angry tirade and did you really love your ex, or did you just love being in a relationship. Thinking of ways to rekindle your relationship but if you felt unsatisfied or unfilled by the relationship most of the time, ask yourself if that’s how you want to live the rest of your life, and that should decide rather your ex should stay in your life.
Is this a situation you are willing to live with, and do you have the patience to help them with their addictions? Is it worth to rekindle the relationship? If the answer is no then the relationship is never going to be a good one for you. Why?
Archive for December, 2008
Is it Worth to Rekindle the Relationship?
Monday, December 29th, 2008Stop Feeling Depressed and How You Can Impress Your Ex
Monday, December 29th, 2008Let’s face it, after a particularly bad break-up there are certain faux pas we all admit that don’t exactly help our appearances out. First off there’s the comfort clothes that somehow seem to consist of the oldest rattiest sweats you own, that never come soon, since you’re feeling too depressed to even consider making an effort once you get to the point where you actually leave the house. Worse, there are all the calories we put on drowning out sorrows in the universal pain solvent, alcohol, and the comfort foods which become the daily diet of chips, cookies, and ice cream. (Why is it that we never can feel any better without at least a 500 calorie snack?)
All of these bad habits begin because after a break-up a person usually experiences a rush of low self-confidence. If I wasn’t good enough for him I must be worth nothing is the common train of thought as you decide to give up on the dating world and yourself all together. Oh, but it gets even worse, and that’s when the one ounce of pride you had vanishes into thin air as you catch a reflection of yourself in a store window, and your ex right behind you looking at you in awe in well, not such a glorious moment. If you intend to get your ex back, looking like more of a mess than when he left you for whatever the reason is not quite the correct approach.
Stop feeling depressed and it may be hard to do, but after a weekend of self-indulgence and misery it is time to get off the couch. Exercising will not only help you to feel better about yourself, but it will help work off some of the damage you created while you were feeling down. Lowering your calorie consumption is an immediate task. You had your cake, now clean out that fridge and rid yourself of the ice cream, chips, and other highly fatty foods. Time to get back to basics and that means finding the energy to eat healthy which in turn is going to put some color back in your checks and make you feel healthier in general.
Finally, after working hard to build a new great looking, healthier body, it’s time to compliment your new shape with the proper attire so your ex notices your hard work. Replace the sweats with clean form fitting clothes that accent your curves and smoothen out your imperfections. On days when you may cross paths with him, be sure to add a little finishing touch on your make-up and always take time to accessorize. Buy a few new items to leave him with the impression you have not been sulking around, but actually out doing something useful with your time. Aim for things you never would have wore when you were with him, make him wonder what he is now missing out on.
Basically, make him desire you again and you can be one step closer to getting him back and rebuilding your own self-confidence. When you feel good about yourself you do not have the time to feel depressed, this should make your ex sit up and notice you wondering why he let you go.
Do You Still Love Your Ex?
Monday, December 29th, 2008Handling a relationship break up is never easy, but occasionally a person can be overly confident in their abilities to cope. They go on with their daily routine thinking they’re not missing the ex, but the truth is they are. This distancing, a known behavior response, offers only temporary pain relief but doesn’t help over the long term. There are definite signs that indicate you could still love your ex, whether you want to admit it or not.
Ask yourself…
Do you often ask yourself where your ex is and what they are doing? Pretty obvious you still think about them. You wonder how they are dealing with your break up or whether they are spending time with someone else. You could even experience some anxiety when you find out they are dating. These are all signs that you need to move on with life. Being curious about what your ex is doing is natural, what’s not healthy is becoming obsessed with it.
Changing Your Timetable
Changing social engagements and work timetables just to check up the ex is not a good sign. You may even have planned to show up at an event where you’re sure to meet your ex. This of course encourages interaction between you and your ex and reminds them of your continued presence. It’s quite likely you’re not consciously aware you are doing certain things, like frequenting restaurants and places you regularly visited together. No matter, changing your timetable because of your ex shows you are still, much too obsessed by them.
Jealous Tactics
Have you talked to particular people or bought yourself a glitzy present to get the attention of your ex? This is a sign of jealous manipulation. You may think you doing it for revenge, but the opposite is true, it’s really a maneuver to attract the attention of your ex. If you were really over the relationship it wouldn’t matter what your ex thought of you. Employing jealous tactics just proves you still love your ex and care too much about their opinion.
Be Honest with Yourself
The truth can be brutal but the only way to successfully handle your feelings is to confront them and face the truth head on. Are you still in love with your ex? If they asked today for your forgiveness would you take them back with no real questions asked? Answer yourself honestly and truthfully. You’re the only one who knows the answer to these questions but you must ask and being honest is important because if you can’t be honest with yourself who can you be honest with?
Still loving your ex isn’t a terrible or horrible thing. The problem arises when you ignore the facts and bury your feelings without dealing with them. Admitting you still have feelings for your ex is a positive step toward your recovery. Then you can decide whether you want to get back together with your ex or whether you want to focus on getting on with your life.
3 Tips to Overcome Breakup Pain
Thursday, December 25th, 2008If you have ever been dumped, you know the toll it can take on your health. You know you will experience the loss for some time before you can even start to bounce back. If you want to get through the breakup pain quicker, then utilize these 3 tips below to put your life on the right track and perhaps get to win back your ex too.
Tip (1) – Remember how you used to talk to one another… anytime, any place. Well, that has to stop, right now. When you cut off contact with each other, both of you have time to work on yourselves. That means you won’t be yelling and screaming at each other, creating a distance further than both of you realize. Hard feelings are inevitable while you are still trying to overcome your breakup pain. How long should this last? A month typically suffices.
Tip (2) – Remain active in your life, both socially and physically. When you stay active, you keep healthy. When you stay social, you are reminded that you do have friends and loved ones who care what happened to you. By doing these two things, you will have an easier time getting over what made you upset in the first place.
Tip (3) – Remember…never let the pain control you, you control the pain. It’s the most important thing you can do for yourself. You don’t want the pain to drag you into a deep depression, which can take you away from everyone you know and love. Keep living your life as you always have been but remember you deserve someone better.
Above are the 3 tips to help you overcome your breakup pain. If you think that this person is not worth your effort and attention you need to move on. However, if you feel getting your ex back is what you want then you should focus on how to work out your relationship and give both a second chance.
Utilizing 3 Steps to Heal Your Broken Heart
Thursday, December 25th, 2008When you and your significant other suddenly split after being together for a long time, it can be difficult to move past the hurt you may feel. You probably thought that you both would be together forever but when it didn’t work out that way, you probably felt cheated. However, you can get your feet back to the ground and heal your broken heart by follow 3 simple tips.
Three Simple Steps to Heal Your Heart
First, break up any and all contact with your ex for about a month, longer if you think it is necessary. You may think it’s the wrong thing to do but both of you need a cooling off period. Make sure you take it as does your ex. When you both are constantly seeing each other or talking with each other, ruffled feathers become smooth and you can avoid snapping at each other. This can hinder any effort if you want to get your ex back.
Second, stay physically active and stay socially active. When you stay active physically, you stay healthy and in shape. If you stay looking good, your ex is bound to sit up and take notice. You’ll even get noticed by other members of the opposite provided, of course, if you stay active. That means you should go out with friends to the club, go the movies with them or your family. Do things that don’t require you sitting at home, moping. Before you know it, you’ll soon be able to get over the breakup and heal your broken heart.
Third, feel the loss before you can heal your broken heart. Sometimes people like to believe that they have no pain from the breakup. The truth is everyone will feel the pain but at different levels. If you find it rough to inspire yourself because of the undue pressures you are feeling, try to remember that this too shall pass. It’s normal to feel some pain but never let it drag you down completely. If you do this, you may miss your chance to win your ex back.
Reasons Why You Need to Keep No Contact Rule
Thursday, December 25th, 2008If you have done research on how long you should wait before contacting your ex, you probably have seen the no contact rule for at least a month. Why is the reason this rule repeated so often? There are many reasons why following this rule is effective and it’s important that you stick with it.
What are some of the reasons you should keep the no contact rule?
For starters, you keep from causing more damage to the already emotional breakup. Breakups are usually very hard to deal with. If you have to speak with the person each day, it’s hard to deal with the emotions that you need to deal with. You may say or do things that you’ll regret later on.
By seeing your ex continuously, you are prone to make even bigger mistakes including desperate behaviors such as drunken dialing and text message terrorism. Be sure that you have little to no contact with your ex. If you have to see or talk to them because of work or other reasons, be civil and kind but do not get personal.
When you don’t speak to one another, you are actually helping to deal with the already messy emotions. You aren’t constantly in one another’s face which means you can work on your own personal matters. When you do this, a reunion can go much smoother. This helps if this is your ultimate goal.
When you and your ex have had this time apart and have worked on your own personal demons, when you see each other next, you can deal with those issues when both of you have cool down. This is a benefit to the no contact rule. When you don’t have to see each other, you can plan how you will get your ex back. This also gives your ex some time to realize how much they miss you being in their lives. In the long run, it is a win/win situation. They won’t feel that they miss you if you never left.
As you see, this no contact rule is vital to the success of getting your ex back. It can be hard to win back your ex if you don’t leave him or her to sort through their feelings for you. You must also sort through yours. You may also be shocked to learn how you actually feel about them during this month away.
5 Signs that Your Boyfriend Loves You
Monday, December 22nd, 2008Men can be sometimes unpredictable. You can never really understand what exactly your man’s feelings are or what’s on their mind. If he isn’t expressing his love for you after you feel the tinges of making love is over, it is time to see what’s going wrong with the relationship. When you can identify what is wrong then you can easily find out where his mind is and can definitely discover what’s in his heart.
(1) Showing Interest
If your man truly loves you he will be greatly interested in all your aspects. He always asks details on day to day activities and will be a good listener. He will be interested in what is happening in your life and will show great interest in details. He will show interest in everything that he thinks he should know.
(2) Frequent Calls
One great sign to show that he truly loves is the way he calls you all through the day and very frequently. Men never pick up phone, and many women complain that their men never return their call. A man truly in love will definitely make the call. Even if you forget he will defiantly keep you calling and pushing his way in your life in all ways. If in case you are reminding him to call all the time then you can very well be sure that it is OVER.
(3) Introduce His Family
The role of a family is always sticky and cumbersome in relationship. If your man insists on your meeting with his family, it is a positive sign that he is interested in you. Unless the man finds that she fits in the family he will never invite her home. Another signs he loves you is, if he plans a meeting between you and his family and vice versa when he wants to meet yours.
(4) Make Time For You
When a man takes time off in his busy schedule for the woman he is interested. If your man is serious then he will definitely find time to spend with you even if he has much work to do. One fine excuse man gives for not meeting a woman is that he has work to do. It is a simple logic that when a man loves a woman dearly he will meet whatever happens.
(5) Discuss Future Together
Be a good listener and especially when he talks of the future. Note if he includes you in his future small talk. If he uses ‘WE’, and ‘US’, then be very assured that you are in his life. Every woman loves to hear her beloved man talk about the fine moment they will probably share in the present and the future. When your man does all this be assured that you have the man with you.
4 Ways to Make Your Man Fall in Love with You
Monday, December 22nd, 2008It is generally believed that love is transitory and if you have found it then you should hold onto it. As women tend to fall head over heels in love with a man whom they are interested in. What happens when he doesn’t reciprocate his feelings or isn’t interested the way you are? Every woman wants their man to fall madly in love with them at all times and this is possible if only you can follow a few rules which are golden to keep your man glued to your side.
(1) Confidence
Self-confidence is the foremost attraction men find in women. They love and adore women who are confident and have a strong heart. Any woman who can stand on her feet and never fakes just to attract her men and who is natural is always liked by men. Expose your true nature with all flaws and weakness and just be your own true self. Men like women who are like this as they don’t like females who just move around to impress them by doing things their way. Whatever baggage you carry be comfortable with it and balance your life as a confident woman will truly help you get your man.
(2) Don’t be Cheap
Self-sufficient women are also great icons in the eyes of men. A man feels comfortable seeing a woman self sufficient and she may not be a big CEO or run a company for that. Even if she earns a meager amount and she can take care of herself very well, without depending on others then it sure will attract men to your side. Don’t expect him to pay for all dates and outings but offer him a dinner or host a date he will be thrown off his feet and will love you just for that. He will adore your self esteem and will value your friendship more. Though many men might not like it they will still love to be taken care of the bills once in a while and so impress him by your timely actions.
(3) No Issues Please
Don’t talk about past relationship issues that failed into this new relationship. Men hate women who carry and bury themselves in the past. Empty your cup before refilling it with a new relationship and don’t forget to wipe your slate clean before the new man can write his love on it. Don’t compare or link the actions of your present boyfriend with that of your ex. Do not complain about his actions when he is late and don’t even mention that your ex too did the same. Men hate to even picture your ex and you together. So leave your ex behind before setting foot on this new man’s zone.
(4) Be Yourself
Stay cool and be yourself when you meet someone for the first time. Try to show him your true nature and always don’t fake your character. Let him know from day one what kind of person you are and how you act and react to situations and events. Your individuality and carefree nature will make you more attractive in his eyes.
3 Definitive Signs Your Man Do Love You
Monday, December 22nd, 2008Every woman knows that men are complex beings and difficult to comprehend. Many men will just postpone or will never think of telling their love to their women that too early in a relationship. You might have uttered or shown many loose strings to make him realize your love for him, still he will never really show what’s in his mind and heart. He might not show his true feelings as yet. You might figure out his feelings just by his behavior. But then nothing is unpredictable and that too with men. Here are three definitive signals you can predict what is in his mind.
(1) Body Language
The best sign to indicate a man’s love for you is his body language. So pay careful attention to this when you are with him the next time. He will turn himself towards you when he is with you and will try in between conversations to touch you. This is a clear indicator he loves you. Touching need not mean actual holding of hands which will happen sooner or later. It means just stroking and holding you protectively amidst crowded places etc. If in case your man looks elsewhere or flirts his eyes through the room and never tries to even touch your little finger or is least interested to look at you, then be very assured that he isn’t much into you or is never interested in you.
(2) Relationship Indicator
A man who starts talking about his future is definitely thinking about you in his future and he may have feelings for you. Men who are single generally avoid questions about where they are in a relationship and where it leads him etc. Whenever a man starts talking of his future you never doubt his love for you. But still look out if he includes ‘we’ and ‘us’ in his conversations about the future. Man thinks of his future when he is serious about a relationship otherwise it’s always living in the present and at the moment.
(3) Actions Speak Louder than Words
A man in love will want to spend as much time with the woman he loves and will always look out for ways and means to be with her irrespective of whether he has work or you are busy. Even if you are sleeping he will sit by you or is always nearby and is comfortable to be near you all the time even if you are doing mundane things. A man will constantly call or miss his lover and will regularly try to keep in touch if he is madly in love. This shows how much his heart longs for her and his mind is after her.
4 Secret Tips to Attract a Great Guy
Monday, December 22nd, 2008Occasionally when you are dating a great guy and you feel you have a relationship then your fear of losing him is justified. You never know when this position will revert back and when he will lose interest in you and when he will start wondering to other women.
Hard work is needed in relationships too to keep it strong and going. You need to put in effort to make the relationship fresh and interesting. Here are some useful tips you need to learn if you want your relationship to flourish and keep up with the good and bad times.
Unpredictability
Curiosity is the best bet with men as he is very attractive to unpredictable women. You make your man guess what you will do next or how you will proceed with him. The more curious he becomes the more he will come after you. Men don’t like monotonous behavior and serious women. Try to be unpredictable, spontaneous and fun loving. He will be after you 24/7 wanting to explore and explode with you and will look forward to your next meeting or date together.
Needy
Becoming needy or too dependant can kill a relationship. Stop making him defensive and try to stay cool and always show that his actions least disturb you in any way. Allow him space and if he finds being with his friends interesting then allow him to do so, don’t question nor retaliate or ask him to cancel the plan. Don’t be so desperate about him by calling him regularly to keep him reminded of you. He should miss you and feel the need to talk. And remember men easily can find out desperate women and so play cool and don’t show off your enthusiasm to be with him always.
Speak Your Mind
Be an open book and don’t be afraid to raise your opinion on things which doesn’t go well with you. Just because you need to keep your man in your hands doesn’t mean you need to always accept whatever he says and does. Men hate women who shake their heads to whatever nonsense they might speak. Always tell him your true feelings and try to be calm and don’t try to convince him in taking your point. This quality will reveal to your guy your strengths and he will start adoring you for this great quality of yours. Men like intelligent self made women who have their own way of thinking.
Be Mysterious
Don’t just spill out each and every detail about you to your man. Keep him guessing and wanting to know more about you. Men like to be around mysterious women. So keep some things secret to be unveiled later in the relationship. He must find more and more interesting things about you as he progresses in his relationship with you. This will keep his interest in you undying and fresh. So follow these tips to keep and attract this great guy in your pockets.
