Archive for September, 2009

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3 Mistakes You Shouldn’t Make When Trying to Get Your Ex Back

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

A breakup is like a car crash. Not just a fender bender but also a real incident that leaves everybody shaken up. After the accident you’re not sure what happened or what to do now. Much like a car crash, a breakup is rough and may cause you to do something irrational because you’re not thinking. However, if you know what to do before an incident, it’s a lot easier to stay calm and focused when the time comes.

Stay away from the phone and ignore the midnight desires of calling your ex to tell him you miss him. Calling and spilling all your emotions only shows how truly vulnerable you are and, quite frankly, that is a big turn off for a guy. While a guy wants to know you depend on him, he usually also wants a girl that can stand on her own two feet. Girls are the same way when it comes to guys. Yes, she likes to know how she cared for you and appealed to you, but she doesn’t want the burden of living your life for you, which is how it seems when you call and act as desperate as you feel.

Texting, emailing, Instant Messaging, leaving voicemail and any other forms of communication you use to get back in touch with your ex is also bad. You’re not giving him/her the space he/she needs and that makes them angry and even more confident that he/she was right in leaving you. With the constant messaging, your ex is going to avoid you even more.

Physical relationships after a breakup are always a bad idea because it leaves one party without any consequences while the other party is left taking all the weight of the breakup – and it’s usually the one that broke up with the other that doesn’t feel any consequences. It should be the other way around. Yes, you’re hurt if you were the one left on the side of the road while your partner decided to move on but the pain will subside faster if you’re not holding on the bumper being dragged along. End all forms of communication, even this one. In the end, you’ll both be better for it.

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Real Reason Why My Ex Boyfriend Left

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

You may sit and stare outside a window, watching the world change about you in ways you never noticed before because until now, your life had been moving so fast you didn’t have time to sit at the window. Now you feel like you’re life is over and can’t move forward because your ex boyfriend broke up with you. You have stopped but the world around you continues to grow and change and you can’t help but wonder what had changed in your relationship to make your boyfriend leave you.

Men have few layers to poke around in and try to decipher. They are easy to understand once you’ve been given the right binoculars to look through.

Deep down, a guy has one manly instinct that may web out but is still part of the same seed: to feel needed. This instinct branches out to such areas as being the protector, being the breadwinner, being the head figure, etc. However, some areas are more of a cause for struggle than others if the guy doesn’t feel he’s accomplished them. One of these is may be part of the reason you’re now recovering from a breakup. One instinct that a man is less likely to get over is making the ones he loves feel happy.

When a man doesn’t get the recognition for his hard work he’s going to seek a place where his efforts are appreciated. He is going to want to be admired. He’s going to want to know he can do his job and that he’s doing it well.

It’s not like you have to be sappy and superfluous in your appreciation. Actually, a guy is more likely to see through that sort of recognition and feel insulted. You should genuinely appreciative of what he does and let him know it. Don’t make him feel like a child but rather a contributing person in the relationship. Don’t be controlling and don’t belittle him. Be open and communicate your feelings with him. If he’s not making you happy, let him know and perhaps it’s best to make it on your separate ways, but if he is making you happy, he shouldn’t have to wonder if he is.

Though this isn’t the reason every man leaves a relationship, his feelings of inadequacy are certainly going to play a major role in his decision to move on. If you don’t want that to happen, take the time to show your appreciation for what he’s done for you. Get more information from this website: http://themagicofmakingup.com

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How No Communication is Key to Getting Your Ex Back

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

It makes sense that when you want to get back with your ex you should constantly show him how you’re changing and what you’re doing in your life to show that you’re making yourself better for him, right? That may make sense but love isn’t a rational thing and the better solution to getting your ex back is to cut off all communication for a while.

It would seem that no communication would backfire on you but it actually makes perfect sense. How so? A relationship requires making several deep connections. When those connections are severed, the mind and body doesn’t know how to react. Emotions are still there but you don’t know how to express them because your outlet has been taken from you. There are two rational solutions: cut off all power (emotions) or try to find the outlet so you can express those emotions again. Again, love isn’t rational.

Like an electrician caps off exposed wires, you need to cap off your emotions. Put a guard on them and let your heart and self start to heal. If you continue to expose yourself you’re only going to hurt someone – and that’s most likely to be yourself.

Taking time for yourself after heartbreak will allow you to grow and mature in a way you didn’t know you could. You may have heard of the saying, “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”, well, a breakup isn’t going to kill you; therefore, it will only make you stronger.

Also, by severing all communication, your ex is going to get the time he needs to wrap up any loose end wires he may have felt were exposed and need to be capped. Or he may realize that the connection he had with you was a brilliant connection and he’ll want you back. He won’t be able to realize this if you’re constantly around zapping him with your exposed emotions.

In the end it is very likely that he’ll be kicking himself for letting you go and he’ll want that connection you shared before. You’ll both be able to take the caps off your emotions so they can be intertwined to create a powerful connection.

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2 Breakup Mistakes That Won’t Help Get Your Ex Back

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

You know you can’t be trusted when your defenses are down and emotions are high. You’re like a child drowning who just wants to take a deep breath in; only you know that one action could kill you. The same is true if you make faulty moves at the end of a relationship.

However, any bad moves can be prevented. The following are some missteps that can be avoided as long as you know what they are.

(1) Drunk Dialing

Though the name of this mistake can come from actually being drunk on alcohol, more often than not, the drunk feeling is from emotions running high.  This means you aren’t thinking very clearly. Your thought process is on how to get your ex back, hearing his/her voice and figuring out how to make things better. When you’re thinking like this, you’re bound to regret it in the morning when you let your guard down and take that deep breath in.

Though the purpose of your call was to make the situation better, you’ll most likely end up making it worse. We act our worst when we’re vulnerable. Don’t call. Allow your ex to be the one to first pick up the phone when he/she is ready for that sort of contact again.

(2) Text Message Terrorism

This refers to all forms of communication that you can basically spam at your ex: emails, text messages, etc. This is an error because you’re not giving your ex space. Not to mention, it can be really irritating to him/her. More often than not, spamming messages at your ex is only going to cause a larger rift between the both of you.

If you’re panicking in the water already, take a moment to get your bearings and realize that if you just put your foot down, you’re going to reach the bottom of the ocean. Don’t make the mistake of trying to breathe in water.

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Devastated but Not Calling It Quits Even After the Breakup

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

Life after a breakup can be confusing. Granted, you may be so devastated that you don’t feel like you can do anything but you will eventually get to the point where you need to know what is a good idea and what is a bad idea when it comes to associating with your ex again.

Bad Idea:
Act Clingy. Playing the desperate “I can’t do anything without you” part is a major turn off for a guy. Yes, a guy wants his girl to be dependent on him but within reason. After a breakup, this is never the time to play the damsel in distress or even the opposite overbearing mother figure.

Sleeping with him after the relationship has officially been called off. This is most certainly a bad idea because it gets in his head that he gets your body whenever he wants.  He will dismiss any other cares about you and your relationship if he knows you’re willing to give him his sexual satisfaction. Don’t offer and don’t let him ask.

Good Idea:
If you happen to run into your ex, don’t ignore him because you know you’re not supposed to contact him. Let him know how you’re doing if he asks. It’s a good idea to let him initiate contacting you and for you to not be desperate.

Give him space. Let him see what he’s missing. Let him know that if he’s not committed, you’re not giving anything for free. Give him time to change and realize the good thing he had when he had you.

The end of all relationships have their own unique variables that may vary to exactly what each couple needs to get back together but these basic tips are certain to help the process move along.

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Rebound Relationship- Can I Still Get My Ex Back?

Monday, September 14th, 2009

What do I do if my ex finds someone else? Is it too late for me to get my ex back?  Should I just move on even though I’m still in love? The answers to these questions are as follows:

Suppose if your ex finds someone else (especially during the rebound phase of a relationship breakup), it’s likely he/she is just lonely and wanted someone to share their time with. The trial of being single is difficult because you’re used to having someone with you nearly all the time. When your ex is sitting at home alone, he/she is going to feel lonely. This can be a good thing because it means you filled a void when the two of you had been together.

It’s not necessarily too late if your ex is dating again. It’s likely your ex is just dating around trying to find someone suitable to his/her needs. If it looks like your ex is seriously dating someone, it may just be a rebound to fill the void left when you two broke up. It’s not too late if you play your cards right.

Be subtle but be around. Let your ex know you’re happy for him/her, but you can still show your ex what he/she is missing out on. A rebound relationship is often a good way for your ex to get some perspective back. However, if your ex is in a serious relationship again, you should be happy for your ex, isn’t he/she getting what you wanted in the first place: happiness? Only in cases of your ex being in a serious relationship should you move on. However, even if your ex’s new relationship isn’t to the serious point yet, you may want to know how your ex feels before secretly wishing you could ruin his/her new chances.

Take it easy and don’t let your ex’s need for a companion worry you so much. Focus on yourself and who you want to become and you might just become the person you were before when your ex first fell in love with you.

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Should I Be Close to My Ex to Win Him Back?

Monday, September 14th, 2009

During a breakup your natural instincts are likely to be very wrong because you’re going to scheme of ways to keep your ex’s attention and eventually win back his heart by being extra wonderful to him. Keep in mind though; that it’s possible the best way to win back your ex isn’t by keeping close.

If you stay close it’s likely you’ll be taken advantage of especially if you’re willing to continue sleeping with your partner when your girlfriend title has been removed. By allowing this you’re allowing your ex to indulge in a male fantasy of no commitment sex.  If he’s not tied to you by title but you’re still willing to give him that aspect of a relationship, he’s not going to see what he’s supposed to be missing out on.

So what can you do to get back his attention and eventually his heart? Let him know that you’re only available in a real commitment situation. You’re not going to be the dog pining away for his master that left on vacation.

Make him miss you. If he breaks it off, you need to go. Take some time to yourself to mend and heal that broken heart. Show him there is a consequence to breaking up with you. Let him find out if it was worth it to experience the single life again. You must be serious about it, too, if you ever want him back. If he realizes you’re serious, he’s also likely to realize that you’re an important aspect of his life that he can’t live without.

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Learn How to Get Your Ex Back without Being Taken Advantage Of

Monday, September 14th, 2009

So now you’re heartbroken and you’re ready to do anything to get your ex back, right?  If he told you he’d only take you back if you jumped off a cliff, you’d be the first in line.  However, before you go brave it all and risk your life for this guy, is it really worth it?  Don’t let him benefit for breaking your heart. Stand up for yourself and make a statement to him: You’re not going to let him run your life for you.

Often women allow themselves to become the underdog in a relationship and lose who they are. Guys will take advantage of this, especially if they know a girl is willing to do anything to get back in a relationship: even perform sexual favors as a proof that you still love him.

Don’t let him do that to you. If he wants to call off your relationship it has to be in its entirety including your physical relationship. He’ll cope and if he goes off with other girls to fulfill his need, perhaps you’re better off because you don’t need a guy like him. 

A physical relationship isn’t enough to rebuild a foundation of a relationship because there also has to be an emotional connection; you both still need to care for one another.  A relationship is like a plug: you have to have both prongs for the plug to be effective in making any device work. Let your ex know that if he wants you, he can have all of you that you’re willing to give, but if he doesn’t want you, he doesn’t get any of you.

If he’s the good guy you know he is, he’ll understand and when he sees what life is like without you. This will give you the chance to prove he was wrong in leaving you.

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Getting Back Your Ex – A True Breakup Story

Monday, September 14th, 2009

Swallowing a breakup is about as pleasant as trying to swallow a cup full of nails.  Nearly impossible and it hurts. I know. I’ve had my share of the breakup pain. When my ex left me, I thought my world was over. But it wasn’t. A breakup doesn’t mean a relationship is over. If it’s something you both truly desire, you can get your ex back.

Any relationship is hard; mine was – especially being in a long-distance relationship that I could only see my love once a month, if even that. The time we had together, though, made us happy and we knew we were in love.

However, the distance was straining; creating tension where it shouldn’t exist and errors aroused on my part that created a chasm. As the earth split beneath me, I stepped on the wrong side to catch my balance and soon we were growing apart.

I was ripped in half. What was I supposed to do without her in my life?  She brought understanding and completeness to my heart and yet, with a few foolish moves, I was on the wrong side of the spectrum and needed to find a way back.

Finding that right path was difficult. It takes time and understanding to gain back the trust of a broken heart. With the help of caring friends and family, I was able to make it through the rough times and my heart was eventually reunited with hers.

After more than a year of being back together, I understand the importance of getting back your ex when you still love him/her. Don’t give up hope and lean on those that offer a shoulder. Realize who you are and what you want to contribute to your relationship. I know what you’re going through and I want to help you get through your tough time.

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If Your Ex Still Has Feelings for You – Where Do You Fall On the Scale of Emotions

Monday, September 14th, 2009

From the unsure to the sure, you can know if your ex still has feelings for you. Because he may not know, you might have to find out for yourself. Here’s a simple and effective way to do so.

With a range of emotions that course through a person, the best way to figure out where you might stand in that person’s range is to consider a Scale of Emotions. This can be done by drawing a line and writing down a variety of emotions from “Indifferent” to the strong emotions of “Love” and “Hate”.

Indifference

The definition of indifference is not really caring one way or the other as to how the outcome might be. If you’re not a sports buff, you’re indifferent towards the outcome of the Super Bowl. Your ex can have the same feelings – or lack thereof – towards you.  How can you know how he feels?  If he doesn’t call you or contact you after the “let’s be friends” spill, he’s indifferent towards you. But what if he does try to contact you?

Love/Hate

When you’re getting frequent calls, you can be sure you’re closer to the stronger emotions on the Scale of Emotions. Love and hate are both under the strong emotions category because of the passionate outcome that arises with both love and hatred.  However, note that if your ex is still contacting you and being sweet and caring, he more likely still loves you than vindictively hates you.

If you’re still unsure if your ex still has feelings for you, just pay attention to how he reacts to you knowing that there are different degrees. You knew once before, you’ll know again.

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