Posts Tagged ‘After A Breakup’

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Making Up After a Breakup: 3 UsefulTips

Monday, June 7th, 2010

There are some experiences you’ll face in life more likely to leave you shocked and feel disoriented than a break up you didn’t expect.  As far as you know, you were a happy couple, as part of a loving couple, was settled and assured. Without any warning, you find yourself single again without any chance to prepare. You would like to give each other a second chance and make up with your ex. You’ll probably feel that the most pressing thing for you to do is to set your relationship right back on its feet again.

I think what I’ve got to say can help.  Even if you just want to manage the pain and get on with your new life, you might still find it useful.

First, don’t fixate on keeping in touch with your ex.  It’s unlikely to help at this point and it will probably cause harm.  It’s a difficult time when you’re both prone to doing and saying things without thinking through the consequences.  It’s far better to back off and give both of you the space to reflect and reconsider.  That way the wounds can start to heal.

Second, remember that he wasn’t the only good thing in your life.  While you’ve been with him, you’ve probably seen less of your family and friends than before.  Well, now is the time to put that right and discover what a tremendous support they can be. Remember, they care about you so at a time like this lean on them and let them help you through this rough patch.

Finally, be prepared.  You see, one of the consequences of breaking off contact could well be to force him to face his responsibility in all of this and to realize just how much he’s lost.  He might well feel that he simply can’t imagine life without you in it, now that he’s had a taste of what it would be like.  So if he gets in touch with you, make sure you’ve worked out how to proceed making up with your ex.

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3 Huge Mistakes Depressed People Make After a Breakup

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

After a breakup When you suffer a devastating loss, it can be hard to deal with the everyday tasks that must get done. You may act as if the world is coming down around you. You do things you never thought you would do… all because of this loss. This loss of love, romance and togetherness: your boyfriend/girlfriend recently called it quits.

It’s this feeling of hopelessness and emptiness that drives you to do things you never imagined you would. You’re desperate to keep him/her in your life but those things you try and do could be placing a wedge in between getting your relationship back on track.

Three things that must be avoided if you have any chance of recovering the love you had with your ex.

What three mistakes causes an ex to run for the hills every time you call, write, text, email or show up?

First mistake many people, both men and women, make is constantly getting in touch with their ex. Intentions may be well meaning but it’s all backfiring in their face. The last thing your ex is going to want to do is talk to you or wants to see you. This is the time they need to figure out what they want in their life and if you are included in it. If you are constantly in their face, how can they know how they feel? Besides when you constantly try to get in touch with your ex, you come across as desperate. This is time when you need to get strong.

A second mistake many people tend to make is typically out of depression. It’s called drunk dialing. Drunk dialing does typically take place after you consume one too many beers or alcoholic drinks. However, it can happen when you are depression drunk as well. What depression drunk means is that you are letting your sorrows rule your life and letting your emotions take control, which forces you to pick up the phone and spilling out your emotions to your ex… all just to talk to them one more time, hoping they’ll take you back. All your ex will see of you is someone who is vulnerable and weak.

The third mistakes many people tend to make involve you constantly bombarding your ex with calls, text, emails, etc. If you can find a way to get involved in your ex’s life, you’ll do it. All this does is make you come across as a psycho and does nothing for your cause. In fact, they may get so sick of hearing from you, that they will find a way to limit all contact with you…perhaps changing phone numbers, email addresses, etc.

So how do you get back into your ex’s good graces after a breakup? You need to stay out of his/her way until they are ready to speak with you. This means you break off all contact, at least for a month. This separation time away lets those hurtful feelings that festered and exploded to die down, allowing you to speak with your ex calmly.

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Some Silly Mistakes to Avoid After a Breakup

Saturday, February 13th, 2010

We’ve all done things we’ve regretted be it from speaking your mind passionately about a subject and realizing the people to whom you were preaching were actually talking about something else to such moments as calling your ex late at night after a breakup with no plan or idea of what to say because your reasoning is non-existent with three shots of tequila in your system.

Chances are you’re reading this because of the latter experience or you want to avoid it.  To avoid, you must first understand and recognize what sort of mistakes exist that could cost you the chance to get back your ex.

Clinging to your ex – Being clingy doesn’t mean you’re attached to the right arm of your ex and never let him out of your sight (though that does fall under a category of clingy) but rather not letting your ex go by calling, texting, or just being a nuisance to your ex.

The greatest success stories of getting an ex back are from those that stepped away from their ex and relationship long enough to put their lives back together.  When you do take the time to step back you’re showing your respect of your ex’s decisions, which can make him realize you care about his opinion and even trust him.

Continuous contact with your ex after a breakup can easily be construed as harassment.  The constant messages, calls and emails are related to being clingy, as well, only this sort of aggravation will make your ex reconsider what he ever saw in you instead of just reconsidering getting back with you.

Allowing your emotions to be in command over your reasoning is a mistake because it can lead to all the mistakes you can make.  It’s natural and okay to feel hurt—in fact, it’s human—nevertheless, it’s important to keep a reign on your feelings so you can move pass them and find strength to move on.

Turning to drugs and alcohol for the purpose of numbing your pain is also a bad idea.  This shows weakness and inability to cope with feelings.  Generally this is a big turn off for your ex because it leads to you doing embarrassing things to get your ex back.

Another mistake is to think that your ex is going to change for you after a breakup.  Your ex is basically done and if you want him back, you have to show him you aren’t done.  If he sees that you’re willing to make some sacrifices, he’s likely to be willing to do the same and try over again to make your relationship work.  You can get your ex back, however, don’t change for him, but rather for yourself.

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3 Mistakes You Shouldn’t Make When Trying to Get Your Ex Back

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

A breakup is like a car crash. Not just a fender bender but also a real incident that leaves everybody shaken up. After the accident you’re not sure what happened or what to do now. Much like a car crash, a breakup is rough and may cause you to do something irrational because you’re not thinking. However, if you know what to do before an incident, it’s a lot easier to stay calm and focused when the time comes.

Stay away from the phone and ignore the midnight desires of calling your ex to tell him you miss him. Calling and spilling all your emotions only shows how truly vulnerable you are and, quite frankly, that is a big turn off for a guy. While a guy wants to know you depend on him, he usually also wants a girl that can stand on her own two feet. Girls are the same way when it comes to guys. Yes, she likes to know how she cared for you and appealed to you, but she doesn’t want the burden of living your life for you, which is how it seems when you call and act as desperate as you feel.

Texting, emailing, Instant Messaging, leaving voicemail and any other forms of communication you use to get back in touch with your ex is also bad. You’re not giving him/her the space he/she needs and that makes them angry and even more confident that he/she was right in leaving you. With the constant messaging, your ex is going to avoid you even more.

Physical relationships after a breakup are always a bad idea because it leaves one party without any consequences while the other party is left taking all the weight of the breakup – and it’s usually the one that broke up with the other that doesn’t feel any consequences. It should be the other way around. Yes, you’re hurt if you were the one left on the side of the road while your partner decided to move on but the pain will subside faster if you’re not holding on the bumper being dragged along. End all forms of communication, even this one. In the end, you’ll both be better for it.

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Best Way to Deal with the Initial Breakup

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

Taking that first step after the crushing news that you now fit under the category of “Dumped” is hard to do. However, if you start walking in the right direction and deal with your breakup correctly, you may be able to get back with your ex. Here is the bad way to go about life after a breakup:

 

My friend Cindy’s boyfriend broke up with her two days before Valentine’s Day.  She was crushed beyond description. After her final class of the day, she immediately sent him an email telling him how much she loved him and how impossible it was for them to be apart. She also sent an email to his friends telling them of the news, even when it wasn’t her place. They sent their condolences and she kept bugging them and her ex-boyfriend, resulting in him becoming even angrier with her and blocking her email and MSN account.

 

Cindy may have gone to the extreme in dealing with her breakup like so many men and women. Can you see some of her errors?  How do you think she dealt with another breakup?

 

Cindy’s roommates were very supportive of her and let her cry when she felt she needed to but they helped her find reasons to laugh again. They helped her to understand that her ex-boyfriend wasn’t the entire world. Cindy continued going to classes even when she didn’t want to and started working out, reading, and doing puzzles…things she had loved doing before she started dating. She kept in touch with her ex though it was strictly an acquaintance kind of relationship through text and never turned to talk about getting back together. Eventually, Cindy’s ex-boyfriend sent her a text saying how much he missed her and wanted to see her again. They’ve been officially back together for a year now.

 

Cindy did both right and wrong in regards to getting her ex back, but it was because of the way she held herself together with the support of friends and family that allowed her to stay strong and eventually win back her ex. There wasn’t a 100 percent chance that Cindy would get back with her ex, but because she eventually found the right way to deal with her breakup, her chances increased significantly.

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Tips To Help You Cope With Life after a Breakup

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

You just had your heartbroken after the breakup and life feels like it can’t go on. Now what should you do?  Try out the tips listed below to ensure you don’t make mistakes after you become an ex. 

 

You may be scheming on ways to get your ex back so life can continue as before. Stop.  Take a moment to ponder if perhaps staying single would be a benefit to you. Take a step back to look at the whole picture. Do you still love him/her?  Perhaps you still do after the breakup. Can you only see life with them in the future? What if you can’t? 

 

Take time for yourself so you can learn who you truly are and what you really want. This is a benefit for both you and your ex. It’s all a matter of perspective. The chance may arise to get back with your ex and you really may not want to. Think about your feelings and your wants. The outcome may be different than you expected.

 

Though you may want to stay in your apartment wearing sweatpants and cuddling with an old pizza box, there are people out there that still care about you. Don’t neglect your support system of friends and family. They will understand that you’re hurt and need time to heal and they will be supportive and, surprisingly, the medicine you need to mend your wounded heart. 

 

Take the time to go out on that hike you’ve been promising to go on with your single friends. Your close friend needed a shopping partner and you’ve been blowing her off because you felt obligated to your ex. Take the girl shopping and buy something for yourself, too. Go out. Do something. Life still must go on even after a bad breakup. Do not sit around your home and mope.

 

The hardest part of a breakup is realizing you aren’t able to send the three hundred and sixty-four text messages a day you usually sent to your ex.  Don’t worry; you can get over this, too. Give your phone to a friend to watch for a day if you’re worried about sending an incriminating text to your ex. Try contacting him/her will only make your situation worse. Begging like a dog is a big turn off. There is the chance that you can still be friends but you can’t talk to them the same way; at least not initially.

 

Another helpful tip is that when you go out in public and act happy, your ex may end up pinning to win your heart back. When you both have the time apart, only time will let you both know your true feelings.

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No Contact Rule: Why It Should Be Followed

Monday, May 4th, 2009

Should you or should you not contact your ex? What is this no contact rule about? This question nags every person who has been dumped? The loss of the relationship can be overwhelming and you may want to try and win them back right away. However, there are many reasons you should not speak with your ex for around a month.

You already know that emotions run high after a breakup. For that reason, a couple who decides to split (whether it’s a mutual agreement or one-sided agreement) should take a hiatus from seeing one another. Remember that absence does make the heart grow fonder. It’s important to cut off all contact, typically as soon as the breakup has occurred. When you follow this no contact rule, healing can begin and you can move past any hard feelings.

Do you wish to have your ex back? It’s okay to long for their touch, for their arms to be wrapped around you. It’s kind of like a security blanket. Despite this, you still need to take this month long no contact rule to put everything back into focus. A month is all you need to get your head thinking straight, realize how you actually feel and what you want and need to do. You can even come up with a plan to win back your ex. This not only works for you but for your ex as well.

What does this no contact rule means? It means everything. No phone calls, no text messages, no voicemail calls, no e-mails, no instant messages though a messenger programs and no going to where you know they will be at. However, you can’t always avoid them. If you work together, or pass each other while out and about, be civil. Just do not try to get personal with your ex. Separation is necessary if you want to grow back together again. They may not see it the way you do but they will if you give it time and stay away.

It’s also normal to have anxiety that your ex will find someone they are more attracted to than you. It’s normal for a rebound relationship to occur. It’s rare that they work out. If you really want to get past the heartbreak, you have to acknowledge the fact that both of you may not be right for one another. If you think there is still a chance, then go for it. Yet, you have to recognize signs that there is no chance of reconciliation.

Thus it’s vital to keep the no contact rule for the month after the breakup if you wish to win back your ex. Let the wounds heal releases the stress that is typically felt by all involved. After this month, you’ll know for sure if your ex is truly your soul mate or if it wasn’t meant to be.

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3 Tips on How Not To Panic After a Breakup

Monday, April 27th, 2009

When you suffer a terrible breakup, it’s normal to feel anxiety about your future. After all, your significant other broke up with you so that kind of messes up how you see your future. However, if you want your ex to come back to you, then you have to stay levelheaded and muddle through the disaster. To help you out, here are some things you need to know.

(1)  Stay in Control

It’s not hard to lose control in a breakup situation but it’s not okay to let it run every part of your being. If you do, it’s likely that you’ll be alone for longer than you should be. Yes, take time to feel the pain of your loss but don’t let it ruin a second chance with your ex or let you move on to find someone more worth of your time.

(2) Avoid Panicking

When you panic, you do nothing to help your cause. In fact, it can cause some serious, irreparable damage to getting your ex back such as drunken dialing and text message terrorism. It’s essential that you stay calm and work through those hurt feelings that you have. When you do, you’ll thank yourself for it.

(3) Healthy Distractions

Find outlets that are healthy to turn to. Make sure the distractions keep you calm and can have multiple benefits. For instance, they keep you from turning to negative sources of distractions as well as boosting your morale that can help you to win back your ex.

Once you move past the initial breakup, you’ll begin to feel better. Stay in control of your own feelings and emotions. It’s best that your ex doesn’t know that he or she has power over you in that way either. Make sure to empower your life by thinking clearly especially if your goal is to get your ex back.

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Win Ex Back: Why Pleading, Drunk Dialing, Text Message Won’t Help?

Monday, February 9th, 2009

When you have been dumped, it can be hard to see straight, let alone think straight. Your world has been turned upside down. With everything going on, you are likely to make some serious mistakes that can kill your chance for a reunion. However, these mistakes can be rectified if you realize what you are doing and stop immediately. If you want to win your ex back, it’s important that you recognize the errors and do the right thing. After all, your ex is still important to you, right?

Error 1 – Pleading Your Case

Okay, first thing, do not beg or plead your case, hoping your ex will take pity on you, realize they still love you and come back. It does not work. Yes, it is a natural reaction to have after a breakup but it’s also a big mistake to do. When you pressure your ex to come back, you are essentially driving them further away. You are liable to make them even angrier at you for not giving them the space they need to sort through their feelings. It’s important that your ex gets this space. Don’t act needy, desperate and certainly whiny. You only affirm their decision to end the relationship.

Error 2 – Drunk Dialing

What is drunk dialing? Know those midnight or later phone calls you make to your ex, hoping to hear their voice, leading you to beg and plead for a second chance… only to realize that you sound like a goofball and quickly hang up? Oh yeah and you are drunk too. That is drunk dialing and for any ex to get that kind of phone call, it is not sexy in the least.

Drinking does take the pain away for a short time but it brings it back full force once the effect has begun to wear off.  When you are depressed about the breakup, drinking only further enhances those feelings. Do not do drunk dialing even if it sounds good when you are drinking. It doesn’t do anything for you or win your ex.

Error 3 – Text Message Terrorism

This mistake cannot be blamed on alcohol. Text message terrorism occurs when you constantly assail your ex with phone calls, text messages, emails, instant messages, etc. You believe that constantly trying to get a hold of your ex is a good thing because it keeps them thinking about you. Actually, it does make them think about you but in a negative way not positive. If your ex hasn’t called you after the first phone call or message, the chances are they won’t be calling you.

If this is your case, then do the next best thing. Give your ex the space they need to work through the problems they saw. During this time, you work on your own problems. If things work out, then maybe the two of you can work things out and get back together but using text message terrorism to stay in their life will not work or win your ex back. It just makes you look like a psycho.

 

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No Commitment, No Sex: Why Exes Need To Stay Exes

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

When you break up with your ex, it can be quite easy to fall into the habit of still sleeping with them. Why not?

 

You are familiar with the person and know what they like and dislike. Yet, if you had strong feelings for the person you are now sleeping with no strings attached, then you could be doing more harm than good. However, you should never ever sleep with your ex after you have broken up. There are several reasons why this should not happen.

 

Never let your ex have it both ways. This means you shouldn’t allow them to sleep with you if they don’t want to be in a committed relationship with you. Think of it this way… they get a paycheck for doing nothing at all. Sex and relationships should be a part of one package. Sex should never be the paycheck.

 

If the relationship was sour but the sex was good, your ex will try to sleep with you without having to worry about a commitment of some sort. If you have respect for yourself, you’ll stand up to your ex and tell them no.

 

You have to tell your ex that when they gave you up, they gave up any chance to sleep with you too. If you think that sleeping with them any chance you or they get will bring them back to you, you will be setting yourself up for a serious heartbreak. If they are already getting what they want from you, there’s no reason to be back in the relationship. Here’s some information to help you forget your ex fast.

 

Should you still be sleeping with your ex, whatever the reason you should stop now. It’s true that once you cut them off from the intimacy, they will take offense. Name calling is likely but just dismiss this treatment. Don’t feel guilty for cutting off what is actually most precious. If he/she wants a relationship, then sex can be negotiated. Other than that, forget it.

 

You’ll have to realize that maybe your ex should stay your ex and be able to move past that hurt that is continuing by you sleeping with him/her.

 

 

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