Posts Tagged ‘No Contact Rule’

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Ignore the No Contact Rule? – Why Damages Can Be Done

Friday, January 2nd, 2009

When your significant other dumps you, it feels as if your heart is ripped out. This feeling is amplified more if they say hurtful things that may or may not be true. This is when you have to stay in control in a time where everything feels out of control. You may start to panic and begin something that can cause you irreparable damage. You didn’t keep the no contact rule you didn’t even realize you are constantly texting your ex when you feel out of control of the situation. The error: text message terrorism.

You may wonder what text message terrorism actually is. It’s a form of communication that is constant and never lets up. In fact, it can be viewed as a kind of harassment. While intentions are good, it’s a method that makes you appear needy, clingy and desperate.

Here are examples of communications people will use. Well, it can occur with a cell phone’s text messaging capabilities. It also occurs with other forms of communications too such as: phone calls, emails, letters, blog posts, voicemail messages, and instant messages and in person. One month no contact rule is too long a period for you, you try to communicate in person with an ex on a continuous basis.

You can probably see why any of these would damage any chances of winning back your ex. You may want to work things out with your ex but constantly trying to contact them will not work. In fact, all it does is to reaffirm that they made the right decision and portrays you as a psycho. You do not want to be depicted as the psycho ex when all you are trying to do is win your ex back. 

Follow the one month no contact rule. What you should do is break off all contact with your ex for about a month. Taking time away from the situation heals open emotional wounds and gives you both the space needed to work through your own issues. If things seem to be going better for you after the month is up, contact your ex to see how they have been. You also don’t want your first phone call to be desperate sounding either.

 

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Reasons Why You Need to Keep No Contact Rule

Thursday, December 25th, 2008

If you have done research on how long you should wait before contacting your ex, you probably have seen the no contact rule for at least a month. Why is the reason this rule repeated so often? There are many reasons why following this rule is effective and it’s important that you stick with it.

What are some of the reasons you should keep the no contact rule?

For starters, you keep from causing more damage to the already emotional breakup. Breakups are usually very hard to deal with. If you have to speak with the person each day, it’s hard to deal with the emotions that you need to deal with. You may say or do things that you’ll regret later on.

By seeing your ex continuously, you are prone to make even bigger mistakes including desperate behaviors such as drunken dialing and text message terrorism. Be sure that you have little to no contact with your ex. If you have to see or talk to them because of work or other reasons, be civil and kind but do not get personal.

When you don’t speak to one another, you are actually helping to deal with the already messy emotions. You aren’t constantly in one another’s face which means you can work on your own personal matters. When you do this, a reunion can go much smoother. This helps if this is your ultimate goal.

When you and your ex have had this time apart and have worked on your own personal demons, when you see each other next, you can deal with those issues when both of you have cool down.  This is a benefit to the no contact rule. When you don’t have to see each other, you can plan how you will get your ex back. This also gives your ex some time to realize how much they miss you being in their lives. In the long run, it is a win/win situation. They won’t feel that they miss you if you never left.

As you see, this no contact rule is vital to the success of getting your ex back. It can be hard to win back your ex if you don’t leave him or her to sort through their feelings for you. You must also sort through yours. You may also be shocked to learn how you actually feel about them during this month away.

 

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Why No Contact Rule When Trying to Get Your Ex Back?

Saturday, December 20th, 2008

It can be tough to put your life back together after the love of your life decides he or she no longer wants to be with you. Chances are that the person who has been dumped still wants their partner back. It’s quite common to feel this way. To get your ex back I’m sure you will try every means to talk with your ex but how much talking should there actually be? The answer is going to surprise you.

Why No Communication Rule?

Right after the breakup, there should be no communication between the both of you at all. If you work together, act civil but do not get personal. Nine times out of ten, you’ll do more damage trying to speak to each other within that one-month time frame. You may have every good intention about why you are calling, reason are calling to see how his or her day went, what they have been up to. Chances are they may say something that upsets you and you may not be able to hold this feeling in. For a period of one month, just don’t even bother acting like you know the person.

There will be serious implications that you will have if you break this rule. The no contact rule is usually broken in one, if not both, of two ways. These include drunken dialing and text message terrorism.

Mistake (1) – Drunken Dialing

What is drunk dialing? Have you ever seen the movie “Waiting to Exhale”? Do you know the part where the four women are celebrating a friend’s birthday with alcohol and one of the ladies going through a divorce decides to call her soon-to-be ex husband up to give him a piece of her mind and ask him why he doesn’t love her anymore? This is called drunken dialing. Drinking alcohol lowers your ability to think properly and converse normally. Usually in the mornings, you tend to regret what you did and said the night before.

Mistakes (2) – Text Message Terrorism

Text message terrorism occurs when the person has been dumped has to talk to their ex, for whatever reason. They burn the phone lines up with all the text messages, phone calls, emails, etc. just trying to reach their ex for nothing important. Again, while the intentions are good, all you are doing is reaffirming their belief that dumping you was the best thing for them. If you want to get your ex back, stick to the one month no contact rule.

 

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3 Reasons Why a No Contact Rule Is Important

Thursday, October 9th, 2008

A breakup can cause a whirlwind of emotions that leaves you to wondering what you should be doing. The initial desire you may have is to be around your ex as much as possible. You lay hope that he or she will decide it was a mistake to break up with you and come back. However, doing that makes you look desperate which is what you don’t want to come across as.

There is a simpler way you can achieve in winning your ex back. This is to completely break contact. There are 3 reasons to this method:

No Contact Reason Number (1) - The days that follow the breakup can be very stressful and emotions are running rampant. However, those feelings can become bad for you if you let them control your actions. When you are apart, you create a buffer space that allows the time to “heal” emotionally. If you don’t spend time apart, you can ruin any chance of getting him or her back. You don’t want to talk with your ex if you are very emotional.

No Contact Reason Number (2) - Remember the phrase “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”? You can’t be missed if you and your ex are still talking. If you aren’t apart, you can’t stop thinking about what we went wrong in your relationship. If you spend this time apart, your ex will begin to wonder why he or she ever let you go. However, this can’t be done if you still see and talk to one another. Give them the time to miss you.

No Contact Reason Number (3) - Many things you can do without the stress of being in a relationship. If you don’t have to see him or her everyday you can better yourself without them in your face. The next time they see you, they may feel differently and wonder why they ever let you go in the first place. If they start fantasying about the new you, it makes you quite alluring to them.

Having no contact with your ex works in more than just these 3 ways but having an idea of why it is important is just as important as wanting to be around your ex and having them back.

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3 Reasons to Break Contact with Your Ex

Friday, October 3rd, 2008

If you don’t already know or haven’t heard but one of the more important things you need to do is break off all contact with your ex. This is especially important if you want your ex back in your life. However, there are 3 reasons why a no contact rule is essential after a breakup.

For starters, emotions are running high. What sort of emotions is occurring? They are anger, hurt, jealousy and loneliness. These emotions are very common and quite natural to feel. What you don’t want are those emotions be directed right at your ex even if they are the one responsible for how you feel. Those emotions when let loose can destroy any chance for a second chance with your ex. Take a month off from your ex. That means no contact of any kind for a month. This keeps you from making a huge mistake.

Secondly, try to remember the old phrase that absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you stay in the picture, this phrase can’t come true. You need to back off and make them learn how to miss you and live life without you. If you are gone, then all those things they thought were bad in the relationship may turn out to be the good things he or she actually loved about you. When loneliness sets in, you have a greater chance of getting back together.

Third, use this time away to work on restructuring yourself. Find out how you feel about your ex. You may find that you really don’t want to be with this person after all. If you decide this is the person for you, then you can use the time to come up with a plan. Once that month has past, you can start working on getting your ex aback and achieving other goals you have in mind.

While there are other benefits to halting any contact with your ex, these 3 are the ones you need to be concerned with the most. Find out more information on how to get your ex back.

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3 Reasons Your Ex Won’t Return Your Calls

Sunday, August 24th, 2008

After a relationship as dissolved, it’s not easy for exes to talk to one another even more so on the phone. People tend to make mistakes when they try to reach their ex on the phone but it can be achieved once you have the right way figured out. If you want your ex to call you back, you need a few simple sentences to kick start their interest. That way your phone will be ringing instead of theirs.

Why isn’t your ex returning your call? Perhaps what you are saying is scaring them away. There are 3 kinds of phone messages/calls that is likely to drive away your ex further, never mind not call you back. These 3 things are: pleading, fake emergencies and heartfelt speeches.

Phone Mistake Number (1) – Pleading

Whether you know it or not, a pleading voice will not assure you a call back from your ex. All it does is drive him or her away, glad to be away from any desperation that you may feel. One such example of a pleading call is, “I miss you. Would you please call me back so we can talk? I hate it when I can’t hear your voice. Please just call me back as soon as you can.”

Phone Mistake Number (2) – Fake Emergency

What is a fake emergency? It’s when you call your ex telling him/her to call you back because it is an emergency. Chances are there is no emergency (though you may feel like it is) and they will see right through that. What does doing this make you? It shows that you are desperate and over dramatic. This kind of action goes in hand with the pleading too.

Phone Mistake Number (3) – Heartfelt Speeches

Don’t rely on those romance movies where one partner makes a speech to his/her beloved on the phone and when they see each other, they run into each other’s arms, forgiving them. Real life is never like the movies. For one thing, an answering machine or voicemail will cut you off midstream. Or you get the whole thing said and the wrong effect is felt. Leaving heartfelt messages on phones and answering machines gives off the impression of desperation and you will seem weak in their eyes.

These 3 tips are things you need to keep in mind when wanting to leave a message for your ex if you want your ex to call you back. So with this in mind, what do you need to say? Say something that will peak his/her curiosity and their self-interest. Try saying something like this, “Hey, how is it going? I thought I’d tell you thank you for what you did. If you call me back, I’d like to tell you this in person.” There is no sign of weakness and you’ll raise their curiosity level.

Before you even leave a message on the phone like this, make sure you have some sort of plan in place. If you want your ex to call you back, you better know what you are going to say that may peak their curiosity. Never talk to them without some sort of plan. Also, you aren’t doomed to failure if you made those above phone call mistakes. You can always redeem yourself.

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Following the No Contact Rule: Why it is So Important

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

If you have suffered a major breakup, you know how difficult it can be to resist your first impulses. You can make many mistakes that can harm your chances of getting your ex back. However, the biggest mistake you can make when you want to get your ex back is talking to him or her. What should you say to him or her? You may be surprised but it’s really nothing.

If you have been dumped and it was an unexpected breakup, your emotions will be running quite high. You can say all kinds of things in anger, most of which you probably never mean. Saying things like this can cause damage way beyond repair. By avoiding this, if you want him or her back, it is much easier to deal with without all the anger.

Relationship experts will often tell you to take a breather period from your ex but never tell you exactly how long you should be out of contact with your ex but honestly, a month long hiatus should work. It is enough time to let things settle down and any communication you choose to have will be much calmer. Do not break this rule. It can be easy to break this no communication rule through two ways. These include: drunken dialing and text message terrorism. If you really want your ex back, you really need to follow this crucial rule. By not doing this, you will fail to earn back the respect and the love of your ex.

Drunk Dialing – Although it can happen at any time, drunk dialing usually occurs in the late evening or overnight hours. It begins loneliness and sadness added with a few drinks. The alcohol begins to numb not only your pain but your senses. Those drinks will soon affect your judgment so things you normally wouldn’t do, you end up doing. Before you know it, you are calling your ex, either cussing him or her out or pleading for them to take you back. Honestly, it is rather embarrassing and when you sober up, you’ll never forgive yourself for the damage that is done.

Text Message Terrorism – Your immediate response following a breakup may be complete terror and panic. You’ll try anything to get your ex to change his or her mind. If you can’t stop them, then you may start calling through cell pones and email. If you constantly do this, then the chances of your driving your ex nuts and changing numbers and email address is great. Avoid this along with drunk dialing as well.

Both of these can be disastrous when you are trying to win your ex’s heart back. If you happen to notice yourself falling into these things, you can do well to avoid them in the first place.

Why is it important to keep away for a month? It’s a double reason actually. It keeps you from screwing up, lessening your chances of bringing him or back to you. It also allows you time to think and fix yourself. You can also plan out how you will get your ex back. It is human nature to screw up but a plan can help you overcome it.

Everything you need to learn about how to get your ex back again. Or you can get instant relief from your breakup pain by visiting this site. 

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Want Return Calls from Your Ex? 3 Things You Should Not Do

Monday, August 4th, 2008

Breakups can be a huge tribulation. For this reason in itself, it may be difficult to catch your ex on the phone. He or she may be avoiding you for a bit. If your goal is aimed at winning your ex back, you will need to know the path in doing so. The best way to achieve this goal is the message you leave on his or her voicemail or answering machine. What you want is his or her return call and with a plan in mind this can be achieved.

If you want to succeed, you need to know what not to do. Even if you do one of these things, it’s not completely hopeless, just a little harder to make your case. Since this is the case, try not doing these three things that will completely embarrass you and leave your ex thinking you are a psycho. What can these three things be? They are: begging, pleading with fake emergencies and heartfelt speeches.

Get Your Ex Back Mistake Number (1) – Begging

Even if you feel your life is utterly empty, don’t call your ex begging for a second chance. Your life may feel this way but your ex probably doesn’t care to hear about it currently. Any sort of begging and pleading makes you look weak in their eyes and make them glad they dumped you in the long run.

Get Your Ex Back Mistake Number (2) – Fake Emergencies

Telling your ex on the phone that it is imperative to call you back because it is a matter of life and death is a big no-no. One of the reasons he or she could have left you for was the drama surrounding your life. Chances are they will see right through your attempts and know there is no true emergency. While the breakup is tough to handle presently, claiming an emergency when it isn’t hurts the probability of getting them back.

Get Your Ex Back Mistake Number (3) – Heartfelt Speeches

You may feel the overwhelming desire to let your ex know over the voicemail and/or answering machine how much you love them and miss them. You may tell them that all the problems in your relationship were your fault. You hope, you pray that what you say in this message will reawaken their love for you and possibly get them to give you a second chance. Here is a reality check… this doesn’t happen in real life. It’s only a work of fiction in movies, soap operas and television drama shows. The likelihood that your ex heard that entire message is near nil. He or she probably deleted before you even got the first sentence out. If you don’t want to be humiliated, don’t do this.

Now you have the basics behind how not to get him or her to return your call. If you want to get their attention, you need to peak their curiosity and their self-interest. Oddly enough, these two words got people to do things they normally would not have done. What can you say to get their attention and their interest? Here is an example:

“Hey there, I was just calling to say hello and thank you. You won’t believe it but you really have helped me out. I’d really love to tell you over the phone or in person thank you, so if you don’t mind give me a call when you have the time. Take care.”

Phrasing is everything when you want your ex to call. Saying something along those lines will have your ex curious about what he or she could have helped you with. Thus, this makes the call for them less stressful. The way you word it doesn’t seem like you are trying to win him or her back. Yet, that is what you are doing.

You need to understand that his or her return call is important but if you don’t have a plan to go with it, you are setting yourself up for a downfall. What will you say to them? If you are aimed at winning your ex back, don’t be caught with nothing to say. You can learn a lot more HERE.

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Win Back Your Ex: Break Off all Contact

Saturday, August 2nd, 2008

No doubt you heard the old saying “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” You may not realize it but when it comes to relationships, many dumped exes make this mistake when they are trying to win back their ex.

Many people believe that the way to win back their ex means they need to be there more for him or her. When you are dealing with a broken heart, this is normal but in reality is not want you need to be doing. Do not sacrifice yourself and your chance to calm your feelings and your fears. All you are actually doing is making the situation worse by being there and making it tougher on yourself to win back your ex. Isn’t that your ultimate goal?

If this is a bit unclear, try thinking in terms such as this. When you are the person breaking up, are you likely to use the line, “We can still be friends”? Why does this really mean? It means that your ex will move on with life, dating whomever he or she pleases, leaving you to pick up the pieces while, try to move on with your life and get him or her back.

This really is no way for you to live and you shouldn’t have to. What you want is to have your ex understand and appreciate you and what it means to have you in a relationship with him or her. They need to know that they get the good and the bad in one sealed package. Some couples have a tendency to still be around each other as well as sleep together. What type of message does this send to your ex? That he or she can have their cake and eat it too. They can have you and anyone else they choose all at the same time.

You should never allow someone to treat you like this. You deserve to be treated so much better. If you think this will bring back your ex, you are only fooling yourself. In turn, this will make you feel worse. What enticement does your ex have to come back to you? Your ex will be happy to have his cake and eat it too without any kind of commitment.

Does this go beyond the physical aspects? It certainly does. If you are always around, how can he or she miss your relationship? Cut off any kind of contact so you can make him or her see how much you meant to them. For some people, they can move on even with this realization. For others, it’s a shock that gets them to the core that they have to stop and think about things.

Have some respect for yourself and cut off any sort of contact. Make your ex live without you for some time with no benefits of any kind. If you want to win back your ex, you need to have a plan that’s been tested, tried and true.

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