Posts Tagged ‘the magic of making up’

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How to Make Up After a Fight

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

The passion was very intense when you clashed with your partner. The angry words flew faster than the dishes that tore through the air dangerously. It was a spectacle that attracted both neighbors and passers by alike. They will be clearly talking about it for some time to come.

On your part, though, you are not quite pleased with the turn of events. Even if you have to go your separate ways, you would not like the departure to be that way. So, you want to find out how to make up after fighting. You had made quite a great deal of fireworks during your fight. Now you would like to create reverse fireworks in order to re-establish your relationship.

You should take the following measures into consideration.

Make a sincere apology

You should give a genuine apology that comes from your heart. In order for your apology to be really effective, you need to take full responsibility for your mistakes. This means that you should not try to pass the buck in any way. You will ruin your apology if you try to give any excuse, as you will effectively be pointing an accusing finger at your ex.

A good apology needs to be very specific, and not just a matter of saying you are sorry. Clearly state what it is that you are sorry for? This will prove to your ex that you have really thought things over and determined the source of trouble between you. It will also show how committed you are to finding out how to make up after a fight.

Make necessary corrections

Another step that will make your apology have meaning is to correct any areas where you had messed up in. While a number of adjustments may need you to make a few sacrifices, the rewards will be well worth the effort.

Forgive wholeheartedly

Another useful step in learning how to make up after a fight is to forgive completely. This means that you won’t keep recalling the painful experiences with any bitterness. You need to forget what you have given your forgiveness for. In case there will be any problem in the future, you won’t bring up the issue any more.

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Important Ways of Dealing with a Breakup

Sunday, March 7th, 2010

In case you are interested in dealing with a breakup, you should understand the appropriate ways of doing it. This means that there is likewise a poor way of tackling the issue. If you follow the right methods, you will succeed in reversing the situation. Even if you do not manage to do this, you will still be able to part ways as friends.

On the other hand, dealing with a break up inappropriately can result in bitter enmity between the two of you and other associates, not to mention other possible damages. You should therefore be aware of the best methods of dealing with a breakup so that things don’t get out of hand.

Determine your true feelings towards your breakup

When you are dealing with a break up, you should find out exactly how you feel about the end of your relationship. Could it be that you are simply angry since you have been dumped? Or are you shocked at the turn of events that came completely out of the blue?

It is important that you come to terms with your real feelings about your breakup. You may just be carried away by the initial shock, while deep inside you don’t really mourn the end of your relationship. Cool down and determine what really hurts you.    

Avoid passing the buck

When you are dealing with a breakup, it is very tempting to shift all the blame to your ex. In some circumstances, you may do the reverse, and heap all the responsibility of the break up on your head. Whichever way the blame is pointed to, it is not healthy.

Passing the buck will stop you from getting to the root cause of the problem so that you may find the best solution. You should not let your emotions cloud your judgment.

Maintain a polite attitude

As you are involved in dealing with a breakup, you should understand that the only help you will get by being rude is in making matters worse.

You will only make your ex get more convinced that you are not the right person to get into a relationship with. You will seem rather childish, and your respect will be shattered to pieces. Even other people who hear you will not take you seriously.

On the other hand, being polite will make you score quite highly. Other people, including your ex, will respect you.

Don’t close your love life

You should understand that the breakup of your relationship does not necessarily mark the end of your love life – not even with your ex. After some time has passed, you may find both of you getting back together once more.

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Rebound Relationship – Getting Him Back after He Rebounds

Friday, March 5th, 2010

After a few weeks of working to overcome the pain and emotion of a breakup you feel like you’re completely ready to follow through with your plan to get your ex back.  You’ve spruced up your wardrobe and are now chic.  Then, with crushing despair, you see him opening the door for another woman.  Your chances of getting him back are over, right?  Not necessarily.  He might just be on the rebound.

How is this good news?  Your ex isn’t going to be able to jump straight into another serious relationship, not so soon after just leaving you.  Breakups generally mean some amount of trust has been broken.  It’s hard to open yourself up to trust another person with your heart when you’re so tender and bruised from the last person you were with.  Your ex had feelings for you and cared about you.  Even if he says he stopped loving you, he still cares about you and your welfare.  He might just be out for the night for an opportunity to start healing again and the fact that he’s showing he’s ready to start putting trust in someone again can be a good sign for you.  Not to mention, if this is a rebound, he’s likely not serious about this other girl.

A rebound is generally not a serious relationship.  This doesn’t mean you have permission to sabotage your ex’s date—that will only make him resent you more.  However, being on a date means he’ll be looking for characteristics that interest him.  You already know you have those traits he likes and if this other girl doesn’t, he might just think back and wish that she had what you had.

Rebound relationships don’t last long.  In fact, it’s just a measure your ex is taking to start stretching his trust level again.  That’s a good sign for you if you want to get him back.  You can start squeezing more of your influence into his decision by showing how you’ve changed: both physically and mentally.

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Reconciliation with Your Ex? Breakup Mistakes You Should Avoid

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

A breakup is the least pleasant event to go through in your life but it’s bound to happen to us one time or another.  So when it does happen, be sure you’re prepared to deal with the emotions that are likely to overcome you.  If you want to get back with your ex, you’re going to need to know what mistakes to avoid when your emotions hit you and desperation attacks.

Constantly clinging to your ex is the first thing to avoid.  Your ex needs time so when you are constantly in his/her face for whatever reason.  Your ex is going to pull away from you even more if you don’t give him/her that space.

Making a phone call in the middle of the night is never a good idea; it’s even a worse idea when you’re calling an ex and you’ve either had something to drink, or your emotions are clouding your sense and reasoning.  Often referred to as “drunk dialing”, this action shows your instability to your ex as well as irritates him/her for having to wake up in the middle of the night.  When you let something like this happen, it’s going to be hard to make up because you’re already on the road to pushing your ex away when you’re trying to pull him/her closer.

Physical clinging isn’t the only way to cling to your ex.  You can virtually cling to your ex with texting, emails, voicemails or any other way you try to talk to your ex excessively.  You may just be curious to see how your ex is doing but your intentions can easily be misread when your ex already has bad feelings towards you.  Cut off all of this communication because you’re only driving your ex further away.

Let your ex go for a short while.  He/she might just need a chance to clear his/her head, which can’t happen if you barrage them with any of these actions.  When your ex has the time to heal so do you and you’ll both have a chance to think about relationship and if you want to continue it.  The only way to get your ex back after the breakup and have a healthy relationship again is to heal and not make these mistakes.

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Get Your Ex Back – Do’s and Don’ts

Saturday, February 20th, 2010

With anxiety and worry plaguing your thoughts that you’re never going to see your ex again, when you desperately want him back, they are going to lead you into acting the part of desperate.  If you want to get your ex back, it’s important that you act the opposite of how you’re feeling. 

Oftentimes, your actions can change how you feel.  Just think you’re okay and you’re more likely to make it through.  That’s not all the advice you need, though, because reading that you can be happy after a breakup and learning how to be happy after a breakup are different. 

Following are some dos and don’ts that will help you through this tough time.

Don’t:
- Don’t let emotion control you and don’t let depression swamp you.
- Don’t panic that you’re never going to see your ex again if he doesn’t contact you within three days.  He needs time and so do you.
- Don’t get lazy and let your life fall apart.
- Don’t become the clingy desperate ex that can be taken advantage of.

Do:
- Take some time to heal.  Even if you don’t want your ex back, being able to move on requires learning how to trust again. This is hard when you’re heartbroken.  However, it’s possible, so don’t let the impending doom of eternal unhappiness bog you down.
- Distract yourself in a healthy way.  If you do this you’re more likely to gain control of yourself and your emotions.
- Do maintain your appearances and keep putting effort into your daily routine.

Following these simple words of advice can make your breakup pain pass a little quicker.  You’ll have moments of breaking down and needing to cry but you’ll still be able to move on and you’ll eventually get stronger.  Not to mention, if you want to get your ex back, following this advice will help you in that endeavor.

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To Get Back Together? First Changing to Change Your Ex’s Mind

Monday, February 15th, 2010

Because of human nature we try to change people to fit our needs or become who we think would make them better.  Generally, this just doesn’t work.  Couples often find that because one tried to change the other, they just don’t cope well together any longer.  Independence is important to people so when they’re forced to change, they’re going to be unhappy and resentful.  After a couple splits up, if one tries to change the other and not themselves, there will be bad consequences.

Generally a breakup is due to both members of the relationship and one just felt there were no more options to fixing the situation.  If you want to get back with your ex you’re going to have to be the one to do the fixing.  Show your ex that you can still change for the bettering of the relationship.

Though it might not seem fair, take into consideration that you’re the one that wants to get back with your ex.  If you want something… you have to work for it.  Think of what you can do on a personal level that would make a difference to your ex.

You don’t have to do all the changing, just enough to get your ex to realize you’re serious about making your relationship work.  Your ex will become comfortable with changing when he/she no longer feels like he/she is taking a huge risk in putting his/her trust in you again.

Basically the saying “if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself” holds true in this sort of situation because you’re looking to make a foundation for something that takes a lot of work.  Trust only in yourself to make the foundation you want for your relationship.  Your ex will realize the hard work you’ve put into maintaining a relationship and will likely be willing to try again.

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Some Silly Mistakes to Avoid After a Breakup

Saturday, February 13th, 2010

We’ve all done things we’ve regretted be it from speaking your mind passionately about a subject and realizing the people to whom you were preaching were actually talking about something else to such moments as calling your ex late at night after a breakup with no plan or idea of what to say because your reasoning is non-existent with three shots of tequila in your system.

Chances are you’re reading this because of the latter experience or you want to avoid it.  To avoid, you must first understand and recognize what sort of mistakes exist that could cost you the chance to get back your ex.

Clinging to your ex – Being clingy doesn’t mean you’re attached to the right arm of your ex and never let him out of your sight (though that does fall under a category of clingy) but rather not letting your ex go by calling, texting, or just being a nuisance to your ex.

The greatest success stories of getting an ex back are from those that stepped away from their ex and relationship long enough to put their lives back together.  When you do take the time to step back you’re showing your respect of your ex’s decisions, which can make him realize you care about his opinion and even trust him.

Continuous contact with your ex after a breakup can easily be construed as harassment.  The constant messages, calls and emails are related to being clingy, as well, only this sort of aggravation will make your ex reconsider what he ever saw in you instead of just reconsidering getting back with you.

Allowing your emotions to be in command over your reasoning is a mistake because it can lead to all the mistakes you can make.  It’s natural and okay to feel hurt—in fact, it’s human—nevertheless, it’s important to keep a reign on your feelings so you can move pass them and find strength to move on.

Turning to drugs and alcohol for the purpose of numbing your pain is also a bad idea.  This shows weakness and inability to cope with feelings.  Generally this is a big turn off for your ex because it leads to you doing embarrassing things to get your ex back.

Another mistake is to think that your ex is going to change for you after a breakup.  Your ex is basically done and if you want him back, you have to show him you aren’t done.  If he sees that you’re willing to make some sacrifices, he’s likely to be willing to do the same and try over again to make your relationship work.  You can get your ex back, however, don’t change for him, but rather for yourself.

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How to Cure and Mend Broken Heart

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

It’s hard to exaggerate the pain of a breakup.  After the shock hits you, you’ll find yourself overwhelmed by too many emotions to make sense of: anger, confusion, disbelief and resentment but all of it leading to misery.  At this point, you’re extremely vulnerable and you’re at risk of tipping into a steep decline.  Don’t let that happen.  Try these ways of picking yourself up and making a start at rebuilding your life.

For one thing you should get active.  Don’t sit about letting the sadness do its insidious work on you. That’s no way to escape the hurt. Jog, swim and work out. The body’s fantastic natural drug, endorphins, will kick in and leave you feeling healthier, happier and more attractive.

Don’t neglect your social life.  We all need interaction and we thrive on the support and companionship of family and friends.  They’re the most important people around you for the moment.  I know people say you don’t have to be alone to be lonely.  But if you let yourself be alone, it’s far more likely that loneliness will be the result.

If you can force yourself to stand up, dress up and step out for a good night on the town or even for a quiet night in with friends, you’ll gradually start to see some perspective returning to your life.  Yes, he was important but he wasn’t everything.  There’s a lot more richness in your life than you realized.

And by the time you’ve got yourself back on your feet, who knows, maybe you’ll run into your ex and he’s bound to be struck by how good you’re looking and how calm and contented you seem.  That’s a very good position from which to try and rekindle that precious but dimmed old flame.

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How to Steer Towards Getting Your Ex Back – Do’s & Don’t

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

Believe it or not, many people have been through the same heartache you’re now dealing with.  Unfortunately, there doesn’t really exist a cure to make the pain go completely away but there are things you can do that will soften the blow of a break up and possibly capture your ex’s attention if you want to get your ex back.  Here are a few dos and don’ts that will considerably change your outlook to a breakup.

Don’t isolate yourself.  Naturally you’re going to want to withdraw into yourself and lick your wounds like a hurt pup.  This is probably one of the unhealthiest things you can do.  Why?  Because you’re only going to keep opening your cuts or make more cuts by thinking about what you could have done better or how you’re not worth anything anymore because you’re now single.

Do maintain your physical and social appearances.  You’re not going to feel like doing so, but by doing this, you’re going to be able to prevent yourself from going into isolation mode.  There are people that still care about you and want you to be happy.

Don’t become degenerate.  Withering away into nothingness is just bad.  Doesn’t it just sound unattractive?  Don’t convince yourself that because your ex left you you’re unattractive and worth nothing, because this is not true.  When you stop being active you will start to become less appealing and that’s unhealthy for you to feel because it will get to your mind even more, creating a horrendous vortex of ugliness.

Do stay mentally and physically fit.  Work out so you’ll look better and feel better and when you look and feel better you’ll have more confidence.  Confidence is key to getting back your ex.  By staying physically fit you’re going to be more appealing.  My remaining mentally sharp, you’re going to succeed.

When you dig yourself a hole of inactivity, you’re going to find it’s hard to get back out of.  It’s possible, but if you let yourself get to this point, you might lose the chance getting your ex back.  If you don’t want to miss your chance, start right away with the dos and avoid snares of the don’ts.  It will be worth it in the long run.

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Getting Your Ex Back – Snags and How to Avoid

Monday, January 25th, 2010

Have you ever got something caught in a zipper?  Notice that no matter how you pull, it’s almost impossible to keep zipping that zipper up or down.  A breakup is like the thing that snagged your zipper, and just like a zipper, when a relationship ends continuing to pull the zipper in the blocked direction is going to be a struggle and can often ruin the zipper.

The efforts of pulling on the zipper to get it free are like communication with your ex when things have ended.  The harder you try to continue pulling in the direction that the zipper got caught, the worse the situation is likely to get.  When you continue calling your ex with hopes of getting back with him/her, you’re ruining your chances of restarting your relationship.

The best way to get a zipper unstuck is to pull away and separate the loose item and usually zipping in the opposite direction before being able to continue zipping up or down.  The same holds true for a rocky relationship.  Pull yourself away from your ex and give him/her time as well as yourself.  You’ll be amazed at how much smoother getting your ex will be after about a month’s time of distance.

Snags to avoid with your ex are things like “drunk dial” or “text message terrorism.”  Both have a tendency to seem rational because how can your ex know how you still feel and how you’re doing if you don’t keep in touch?  Well, he/she won’t.  That’s okay because when you get the chance to make your reappearance, he/she will be shocked by how pulled together you managed to stay after the breakup.

When you keep up both those forms of communication you’re setting yourself up for more snags in your zipper.  If you’re constantly letting your ex know how you’re doing, he/she is less likely to miss you, he/she is going to see how vulnerable and desperate you became, and he/she is likely to get sick of you and will from that point on always see you as an irritant.  This is not a good way getting your ex back.

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